I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
