You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
