whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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