he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
