So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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