I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
