NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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