I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
