Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
