Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im part way to drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
