Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
