Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
