my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She announced her abortion via fbk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
