dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
