So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
