the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
