i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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