I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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