we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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