You smell like a Billy Joel song
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
