Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
