he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
