Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
