Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
