when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
