I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
