I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
