he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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