hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
