I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
