its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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