how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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