Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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