WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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