angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
