Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
