Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
