i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
