i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
