it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
