He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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