He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
