The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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