and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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