He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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