Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
