We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
