How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
