If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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