I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
