the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
