Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
