Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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