Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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