The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he puts the penis in happiness.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
