Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
