I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
