So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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